I found my purpose not when I wanted it, but when I needed it

"rock bottom was the only starting line."

so everyone remembers having to pick their classes in middle school or high school. we were told to pick the classes for the career paths we wanted to take. at 13 years old or even 16 years old, i had no earthly idea what i wanted to do for the rest of my life? i had an idea of what it was, but i later found out it was not for me. so fast forward your mind a little bit, and remeber the time of when you finally decided what it was you wanted to do. what was the career path you wanted to take? what steps were required for you to get there? you knew it was not going to be easy, so how were you going to reach this goal? as a college student, i constantly find myself searching for what my purpose in life is. where will my college career take me? what was i placed on this earth to do and be?

now...think of the time when you realized that what you thought you wanted and it wasn't for you. you realized you were not cut out for it. this could pertain to sports, school, a relationship, a friendship, a job, anything. just think of when you thought you were placed in the right path, but it turns out you weren't. how did you feel? were you dissapointed? were you angry? were you confused? who did you turn to? that feeling were you scream at God for not giving you what you thought you needed or feeling lost without a purpose. its acceptable to feel this way. a majority of people have felt this at some point in their lives.

my lack of understanding for my purpose here on earth stunned me. it affected my friendships. it affected my relationship. it affected my confidence. constantly i would ask my dad, "when am i going to find my purpose? i feel i am good at nothing. i have no knowledge. i am good at absolutly nothing." he said that one day, i will find it. it will come to me, but it could be tomorrow or years from now. i would ask myself, "how was i to love myself when i felt God had given me no purpose?" when i was down to the last tear i could shed. when i was down the last ounce of energy i could give. when i was down to the last prayer i could even come up with to pray, thats when God answered me.

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i changed my major multiple times. i felt i was good at nothing. i felt i could not achieve things the way my friends or sister did. i felt i had no natural talent. i had no natural beauty. but God thought otherwise. He led me to find a career path that i love, i get to write. with that, God showed me that I was good with something. He showed me I can achieve things the way my friends and sister did by taking 19 hours, studying constantly all day and night while being involved on campus, and having the best GPA of all my semesters here at college. God showed me that I do have a purpose. God spoke to me and said, "my daughter, you were formed perfectly by my hands. i thought of you night and day, and placed in this world for a divine purpose." He showed me to not waste anything. it is part of the process. you will go through trials and situatuions that seem unfair. but if you keep your eyes on our Heavenly Father. trust what it is that He promises, He will prevail.

for everyone reading this:

I cannot tell you what your purpose is or will be. i cannot promise that your purpose will even be remotly similar to mine. i can promise you though, when you feel like you've lost everything, God will answer. He will fill your heart with purpose. He will shine His light. He will show you the answers. He will give you all the answers you need, but not when you want it. it wil be at the perfect time. when you pray, speak to Him and say, "use me God, show me how to take who i am, who i want to be, and what i can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself." it is very difficult to not struggle with hoplessness when you do not have all the answers right in front of you. I understand this perfectly. I also understand that rock bottom can be the solid foundation that you have needed to build up from. sometimes God has to wait until you are there for you to see His guidance. trust that God has perfect timing. trust His word. trust that He has a divine purpose for you.

"No eye has seen, no ear heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." -1 Corinthians 2:9